A few years ago, we started spending part of the winter in the southern United States. At first, it was a week, then a month in South Carolina. Once I retired, it became a month in Florida, then it became 3 or 4 months in Florida. Of course, Covid put an end to that, but that’s another story! The place in Florida where we spent our snowbird days was a huge complex with lots of activities for every taste. One of these was Karaoke, which was so popular that there were two and sometimes three events every week, put on by different groups. You could also dance at most of these evenings, which was the main draw for us. Anyway, it took me a while to drum up the nerve to get up and sing. I like to think I have a reasonable voice, but what I was most afraid of was getting false compliments from people, like I was seeing many other “performers” get when they walked back to their table after souring “Sweet Caroline” or stomping all over “Blue Suede Shoes”. It is one thing to applaud, if not the performance, the fact that it mercifully had ended, but cries of “That was wonderful, Marsha!” or “Great job, Joe!”, when it was painfully not even close, were, to me, being cruel to the “friend” who may have gotten their ego boosted, but who would then take this newfound confidence and be back next week with a very forgettable rendition of “Memories”! Was it really being kind to this person to tell them they could sing when they couldn’t? I know it was just for fun, and I know it would make me feel awful if someone told me I sang badly, but I like to think I would prefer someone caring enough about me to tell me before I made an even bigger fool of myself. So I made my friends promise that they would be truthful before I even tried to sing. Either they lied or I did OK. So what, I hear you think, has this got to do with art? Well, it turns out, a lot! Last weekend I was manning the exhibition of 18 artists of a paint group I belong to. I joined this group during the pandemic, and I haven’t really met most members in person except through the (very) occasional shows. I don’t really know what the etiquette or expectations or standards of the group are. It was a very slow day, so I had a lot of time alone with the art to get a good look at it. There were many styles and techniques, from abstract to representational, about 60 pieces in all. I found some of it good, some OK, and some pretty horrible. I know art is subjective, but I found a lot of it very amateurish. I realize not everyone is at the same level in their techniques, and that we all are always learning. But some of the paintings were done by some of the more experienced members, and had serious mistakes in perspective in a building, or shadows going towards the source of light instead of away from it, or basic animal shapes that were way off. Pretty basic stuff. I understand artistic license, but I am pretty confident none of these were done intentionally, as they might be in folk art, cubism or fantasy art. So here is the quandary: should you tell someone, even gently, that the art they produced isn’t as good as they perhaps thought? Unless they ask for a critique of course, in which case you can balance the good points (because there are always good points) with the areas that need more work. But what if they don’t ask? Is it kinder to tell Marsha or Joe that they might want to take a look at this or that part of their painting, or to say nothing and to go with Team "Ignorance is Bliss"? I know from experience that it is not pleasant to have one's work critiqued, even when you requested it. It hurts to be told that what you thought was good isn't. But would it hurt less to go on believing that it’s good, only to find out later, after having produced even more not-so-good art? I’m all for self-confidence and self-worth, but shouldn't these be based on truth? I am very lucky and grateful to have a wonderful spouse whose opinion and judgment I can trust. When he says “That’s not your best work”, I know he is right. I don’t always agree with his preferences in subject matter or technique, but I know he will never tell me something I made is good if it isn’t. But I also realize that not everyone is so lucky as to have their own personal art (and karaoke!) critic. So what do you do when you see a friend or colleague's art that you think could be improved? Do you smile politely and say nothing, hoping someone else will point them in the right direction? (And who knows what direction is the right one anyway?) Do you ask if they would mind getting your honest opinion? (That sounds ominous!!) Or do you just stop being a perfectionist and accept that maybe you are wrong and they are right? (It is their art, after all! If they want the bird to look flat, so be it!) Sure, Marsha, I would love to hear you sing “Over the Rainbow”! I would love to know your thoughts on this topic! Remember the old ad that said "Friends don't let friends drive drunk". Well, should friends let friends paint poorly? Or should friends just shut up and support their friends, no matter what? Is it kinder to be cruel, or is it really cruel to be kind?
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AuthorMy name is Claire Bureau. Archives
March 2023
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